To the lady that said I’m spoiling my son:
I know I hold my son too much. My pediatrician said you can’t spoil a baby before 10 months. Well my son is 12 months now and he in fact is cuddle spoiled. Do you really think I don’t know? I carry around 23lbs with me all day long. Most times I can’t go pee without him crying, I’m always behind on house chores, and when my husband gets home instead of having dinner made and the table set I’m usually flustered and in need of a pee break. I’m physically and mentally exhausted.
But here’s what you don’t know. When I was 19 weeks pregnant my heart was shattered in a million pieces and it changed the type of parent I was going to be. I can’t remember what I had for breakfast today but I remember that moment so well. I remember how the room looked and the doctor saying my son was sick. That day I became a statistic, a statistic that was not only very rare but my son kept getting worse and worse making it even more rare. I spent the next five months thinking that my son might not make it. My pregnancy was a battle, filled with stress and anxiety.
We didn’t think my son would be born breathing but he did.
The nurses handed me this precious baby that had defied all odds but I wasn’t able to shake off the feeling of him not breathing.
For the next few months I didn’t sleep more then 2 hours every night. My son had all the monitors you can imagine and yet I was terrified he would stop breathing. Everyone kept telling me to nap during the day, but I couldn’t. My son took every single nap on top of me and I stared at him like a hawk. When we went out I always wore him, and when he would fall asleep I would stop every 3 to 5 minutes and hold my breath so I could feel his chest move in and out.
At 7 months my son underwent life-threatening surgery. The fear that he might not wake up was eating me alive. I wasn’t able to hold him for almost 16 hours after surgery. His vitals signs kept dropping and his doctors were having trouble keeping them up. I finally was able to nurse him at 3 am and like magic all his vitals normalized proving that my arms are his safest place. In 7 days he had 20 x-rays and was constantly pulled away from his mom to get painful and scary procedures done.
What you don’t know is that one time we woke up in the middle of the night and he stopped breathing. I still remember the ride to the hospital, the Puget Sound was foggy and calm and the moon shined bright. What you also don’t know is that once I left him in his crib to go char some Poblano peppers. I left him crying in his room for 3 minutes. 3 freaking minutes and when I came in he was completely purple. I picked him up and pad his back and he was able to gasp for air. If I would of waited 30 more seconds I would most likely not be writing this. 30 more seconds and my life could have been destroyed.
So every time my son cries you know what I see? I see my son completely purple laying on his crib and I remember how close I’ve been to losing him.
So next time you feel the need to share parenting advice think twice. You might see a well put together woman with a happy and cheerful little guy but in the inside I have very high levels of stress and anxiety and my son has suffered more in the past 12 months than most adults. So give us a break, we are still healing.