I’ve been eating paleo for about 9 months now. We try to be strict but we have times when we cheat a little. January was a hard month. Sebastian underwent a pretty mayor surgery on the 8th and that meant we stayed at the hospital for a while. During our hospital stay we ate mostly cafeteria food, greasy unflavored grains and dairy. You’d expect a hospital to serve you something healthy right? I guess if we were going to get sick, being at the hospital is probably the best place for it.
Once we left the hospital, it was a weird feeling. obviously I was happy, the nightmare was over. For so long the thought of Sebastian not breathing was like a dark cloud hovering over me. I would complain that he would only nap on my belly and I would have to spend my days laying in the couch with him not allowing me to move. Not even to go pee. To be honest, I wanted him there. I needed to feel his chest moving, to make sure he was breathing. When I would babywear him and he took naps, I would stop every so often and hold my breath so I could feel his chest moving. Anytime he would cry, I would run to him because I didn’t know if his lungs would take it.
I never told anyone, because I’m not one to share my emotions but I was so unbelievably stressed out every single second of my days. It was exhausting. My entire pregnancy was a fight to see if he would make it. Then when I was induced I was so sure he wouldn’t breath. I still remember when my Dr layed him on my chest and I just kept screaming at the NICU team to take him. It kind off hunts me. I really wish I would of kept him there, just a little longer.
But there I was, leaving the hospital. As Matt drove off and the hospital was on our rearview mirror, I felt weird. It felt like the past year was erased in 5 days. All I’ve ever known about parenting is being the mom of a sick baby. Here I was, no longer the mom of a sick baby. I felt free but afraid of the unknown. I guess it was just hard to believe it was over but it was a breath of fresh air.
A week after he had complications and we ended back at the hospital, luckily his body fix the issue and he didn’t have to undergo another surgery. The nurse called to tell me how to prep Sebastian for anesthesia. I was blindsided by the call, I knew there was a possibility of surgery but when your given instructions it makes it a fact. I was pissed and sad and realized it was never going to be over.
Needles to say, I had to many Starbucks and treats. This Whole30 round I’m doing the normal version. The past few times I’ve had mini meals because I breastfeed so I crave a lot. I always make Paleo breakfasts, lunches and dinners, so I don’t have any problems with that. My problem is the snacking, even the paleo snacks like fruit salad with honey. They feed my sugar dragon and I need to kill him haha.
So far day one is going good. I craved a snack in between breakfast and lunch. I’m upping my water intake. which is making me realize that I was substituting water with snacks. It might be to early to call that an NSV but I would say it is one.
Its been a few hours since lunch and I’m starting to get hungry. I just realized I’ve been feeding the baby for 24 min on the same boob. Probably why I’m hungry. I’m going to try and transfer him and start dinner. I’m making pork for tacos (jicama slices instead of tortilla).
Well wish me luck with the next 29 days!